Are you thinking of writing a memoir? Some years back, memoirs were hot, hot, hot in the publishing world. These days, they’re not, not, not. But that doesn’t mean that plenty of people still don’t want to write them. (How’s that for a double negative!) And just because publishers aren’t buying them as frequently as they did doesn’t necessarily mean that readers don’t want to read them, witness recent bestsellers.
While I actively try to dissuade my writing coach clients from writing a memoir–or any book–with the sole (and impossible to achieve) objective of turning it into a bestseller, if you want to write your memoir, I say go for it. Before you get started, a few tips will help.
The most important piece of advice I can give you is that a memoir is not an autobiography. There’s nothing inherently wrong with writing your story from birth to now, as long as you don’t care whether anyone reads your book. The fact is that unless you’re super famous, most people just won’t be drawn to a sequential chronicle of your life.
Van Arsdale goes on to specify that conflict doesn’t mean two people screaming at each other. “Conflict is someone wanting something, and there’s something in the way of getting it. Or wanting two things in direct opposition to each other.”
The same does not hold true for memoirs simply because of their single-minded focus. In her 2019 Writer’s Magazine article “Advice for memoirists: No one wants to hear your whole life story,” author and writing instructor Sarah Van Arsdale recommends that “the best way to approach memoir – the way that will keep you paddling even when the waters get rough – is by considering a particular problem that you’ve dealt with or a difficult moment in your life that has the elements of great narrative: a page-turning plot, interesting characters, and lots of conflict.”
I would probably use the word challenge instead of conflict. That challenge becomes the prism through which you examine your life. For my writing coach client Shani Raviv, author of being Ana, that prism was her battle to overcome anorexia nervosa. For Sam Simon, author of The Actual Dance, it was dealing with his wife’s stage-3 breast cancer diagnosis. For the late Michele Ulrisken, author of Reform at Victory, it was surviving her harrowing experience in an unlicensed/unregulated fundamentalist Baptist reform school.
Did the above authors struggle with wanting to include biographical material that didn’t belong? Absolutely. But in the end, they wrote tightly focused, powerful memoirs.
Writing a memoir that stays on point is just the start of the challenges. You also have to remember events and details that often took place years before. Luckily, the act of writing often cracks open the memory gates. And in these days of online research, you can conveniently bring yourself back to a particular time and place. Access the songs you listened to and the movies you watched. Find images of the places you’re writing about. Research news coverage—articles as well as photographs—from that era. All of this, coupled with the writing you’re doing, will help trigger memories that probably aren’t buried as deep as you had imagined.
Having trouble getting your story and all the newly emerging memories down on paper? Remember that your first draft will be your sloppy one, so don’t sweat it. If talking is easier than writing, turn on a tape recorder and let the words fly. Can’t get used to that? Then hire an interviewer. Either way, you can get the recording transcribed for just $.25 a minute at rev.com/automated. The transcript won’t be perfect, but you can make the corrections easily enough. Then just clean it up and dump it in your draft.
Ironically, turning to those close to you for help can prove to be a mixed bag. While checking with family members or friends for basic information like names and dates can help, in her Writer Magazine article “Top tips for older writers who want to write a memoir,” writer and memoir-writing instructor Dani Burlison advises against consulting with them about incident specifics. She writes: “Memories or interpretation of events can vary wildly from person to person. Chances are, no two people will have the same memory of an incident, and this can often confuse or sway the memory of the writer.”
Before you publish, remember to edit your work. And then have it professionally edited. And if you’re concerned about libel or invasion of privacy, definitely hire a publishing attorney to look over your manuscript. The last thing you want or need is a truckload of trouble.
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