Memoirs usually aren’t the easiest to write. Let’s face it. Most people don’t decide to write a memoir based on happy, serene experiences. The personal memories that move people to dive into this kind of nonfiction narrative writing are usually difficult ones based on situations they’ve had to overcome. But writing a tough memoir means you’ll have to relive those experiences, in order to bring them to life for the reader.
So how do you do that?
For years, anger and bitterness about his impoverished, abusive upbringing prevented Frank McCourt–author of a memoir trilogy kicked off by his Pulitzer Prize–winning, #1 New York Times bestseller Angela’s Ashes–from writing about his past. After decades of avoidance, he realized that writing from the perspective of himself as a child would allow him to finally pen the memoir, which was published when he was 66 years old. The results speak for themselves.
Hopefully, you won’t have to write about the deaths of your siblings or your alcoholic, abusive father. But whatever the topic of your tough memoir, reliving many of the memories will probably be just as painful. How will you handle all those raw emotions?
That answer is going to differ for each one of us. But here are a few suggestions about what not to do when writing a tough memoir:
Don’t just dwell only on the negative. Balance out your story and your mood with positive stories as well.
Don’t worry about how someone else will respond. Write your sloppy copy and let it all hang out, remembering that just because you’ve bashed out a scene doesn’t mean you’re going to publish it as is. You’ll make that decision–or those edits–once you figure out your book. For now, let your truth be your guide and ignore any other concerns.
Don’t assume that you have to do this alone. A partner, a close friend, a writing coach, or a therapist can all provide the perspective you need to carry on.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Writing a tough memoir isn’t easy, so the last thing you need is to beat yourself up or indulge in self-flagellation, that favorite writer pastime. Recognize the challenge you’re facing, give yourself kudos for the work you do and a hall pass every once in a while even if you don’t quite stick to the program. Just make sure you get back to writing after a short break, since you’ll lose all momentum if you wait too long.
Don’t forget that you’re not just writing this purely as your own form of catharsis. While that’s critically important, if you want your book to be read, you have to keep your readers in mind. So remember that a memoir is not your autobiography and stick to the topic. Make sure your readers can vicariously experience what you did, and that they finish the book a little wiser than when they started.
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